Born and raised in Orange County, I have always seen the value and importance of individualism. What I mean by “individualism” is the importance of pursuing self-goals as a statement of personal independence.
Phrases like “Every man for himself” are carved into our minds starting at a young age.
It seems like every day the extremity of individualism becomes greater.
I don’t mean to suggest that individualism is a bad thing- because I really do believe it’s important. I do, however, question what this value has come to mean to us in our society today.
It seems the extreme practice of individualism has contributed to the increasing divorce rate, number of unhealthy relationships and desensitization of manipulation…to list a few.
Frankly, people are becoming just plain selfish.
And when it comes to love, there is a thin line between selfishness and selflessness in both the feeling of love we experience and the action of love we take. The feeling of love is quite selfish- it provides you with personal satisfaction, you with fulfillment and purpose, and you with joy.
This feeling fades and becomes more neutral as a relationship is created and as comfort becomes a factor. The action we then take based on this loving feeling, becomes more selfless. And, as the feeling of love becomes more neutral and comfortable, the test of the selflessness of love in a partner becomes more revealed.
Individualism declares our individuality. (Stupid way to put it..but I have a point……I think). In this society, we declare our individuality by saying things like “You can’t tell me what to do” and by focusing on “what is right for me”. We make it very evident in this society how important we are to ourselves.
When it comes to love, we use the term “fall”. To “fall” in love. To “fall” out of love. “Fall”. As if we have no control over who we love. Personally, I believe there is some reality in this- sometimes love “happens”. But there is still a problem with this general idea of “fall”. Divorce just became 400 times easier and more explainable if we can just excuse it with “we fell out of love”.. If two people “fall” out of love, then I guess that’s not their fault…right?
The feeling of love hooks you in, like an interesting first chapter of a book. This first chapter helps you to decide if you should want to pursue reading the rest of the story. Some books only hold your interest for the first 50 pages, some books are “BOOORRRINNNGG”, some books are great, and then there’s that one book. Maybe it’s a series. The “Harry Potter”, the “Twilight”, the “Chronicles of Narnia”….The series that you continue to devote your time reading. Sometimes, over and over and over until you could practically recite it. Even though the book is far from perfect. Even when there’s a boring section.. or a writing error…or a twist of fate…you still find choose to read the series again and again. (See where I’m going with this?) That’s the type of book you marry. Someone who captivates your interest, even if you’ve already heard the story before. Someone with whom the whole series is so great that it hides the flaws time and time again.
Marriage is not for the romantic. Marriage is not for the weak. Marriage is not for the selfish.
All jokes aside, marriage and any long term commitment can be a very romantic, satisfactory, fulfilling, financially supporting,,.. just to list a few of the benefits.
The more selfless both partners can be…the more rewarding and fulfilling the relationship or marriage. The selfless way is much harder than the selfish one. Especially in our society. I recommend taking the selfless road. Give and give until you can give no more.
If you are lucky and keep your eyes open, you might notice that the caterpillar has turned into a butterfly…
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